Why Do I Still Love Him? (A Bad Boy Romance Collection) Read online

  “This, my girl, Hasnaa. She…she is not…” The woman breaks off in frustration.

  “Take your time,” I tell her gently in Swahili, standing up.

  “My little girl Hasnaa does not want to move or play. Maybe she is sick.”

  “Let’s bring her inside,” I say. I can already tell that, like many children and adults in this village, she is not getting enough to eat. “How old is she?”

  “She is six years.”

  I frown. At six, she should be much taller.

  I gently lift Hasnaa onto the examination table, and the little girl does not protest but just sits listlessly. Another bad sign.

  I examine Hasnaa’s teeth, listen to her heart, and take her pulse. “What is she eating?” I ask the mother. “Is she getting milk? Meat?”

  The mother makes a small gesture. “She eats ugali. Sometimes, there is milk from the cow, but not much. A little meat when we have it.”

  I turn to my supply cabinet and find some multivitamins and a powdered protein supplement.

  “Take this,” I tell the mother, pressing them into her hands. I explain how to mix the powder with clean water. “This should help Hasnaa gain some weight. Then she will be stronger and have more energy.”

  The mother listens intently, studying the packets, then nods. She gathers up her daughter and starts to leave, then turns back, slips something off her arm, and presses it into my hand. It is a beautiful beaded bracelet.

  “Thank you, Doctor Lady,” she says.

  As she leaves, with Hasnaa still clutching her hand, I slip the bracelet onto my wrist. I don’t expect payment from any of the villagers. That’s why I’m here.

  But these people find small ways, small gifts of appreciation.

  This is so, so much better than treating a bunch of fat society women with imaginary ailments.

  “That is not all,” Kichaka tells me, smiling and brandishing a small plucked chicken. “Jel’s wife, she just brought this for you. To thank you for fixing his arm.”

  My heart twists in my chest. “They don’t need to do that…”

  Kichaka shrugs. “It is their way. And they want you to know that having you here is very important.”

  “But so many of them don’t have enough to eat,” I say helplessly. “I don’t need to take food away from them.”

  “Perhaps I can cook it, and we can share it with the patients who most need it,” she suggests. “Like Hasnaa.”

  “Yes, that’s a wonderful idea!” I say eagerly. “After all, in America, we say that chicken soup can cure anything.” It sounds stupid even as I say it.

  “So I guess that there is no need for all your medicines?” Kichaka replies, her expression clearly confused.

  “It simply means food is one more way to help those who really need it,” I say, my voice firm. “And that’s what matters.”

  She nods and disappears into the back of the hut. I lift my hair off my sweaty neck for a moment, hoping for a small cooling breeze, and swallow the last of my coffee.

  This isn’t an easy life, compared to home. But right now, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Sten was wrong, thinking I’d be in danger.

  I am perfectly safe.

  Chapter 3

  Adelaide

  It’s been a long, hot day and an even longer night.

  I’m wiped. Exhausted. Spent.

  And it’s not even over yet.

  “You’ve been drinking the well water?” I ask as my current patient vomits into a bucket that I had placed in front of her only just in time.

  “We all drink the well water.” She glares up at me ungratefully, and considering her current state, I don’t take it personally.

  “Which is why you all have food poisoning.”

  I fish out my own canteen and hand it over to her. It has a little salt and a little potassium mixed into it already—electrolytes are crucial in this stage.

  “Here. Sip on this for now. Sip,” I warn as she raises it to her lips to guzzle. “Your stomach is in a delicate place right now—and tonight won’t be enjoyable for you, either. But you should feel better by morning. I’ll be back then to check on you.”

  That stupid well is making me fume.

  This—all of it—the heat and the smells and the thankless work and the vomiting—this is what they don’t tell you when you’re dressing Dr. Barbie in her lab coat. Being a doctor isn’t hopping in your little pink convertible and coming home to a handsome, loving Ken waiting for you at the Dream House every night.

  It’s mostly just work—nasty, crappy work.

  I don’t do it for the Dream House, though.

  Or for my own hunky, clean-cut Ken, either.

  I do it because I’m a doctor.

  I do it because these people need help, and there’s no one else to give it to them.

  I took an oath, and I’m going to keep it.

  That’s why tomorrow morning, I’ll be back here bright and early…and on barely any sleep, from the looks of things.

  Time flies when you’re mopping up sick, I guess.

  My head aches. When I move to stand, I realize that my body aches even more. Probably just from working so hard today—and from staying up so late.

  That’s what I figure, anyway—until, that is, I see him.

  Out in the moonlight, his figure framed by darkness and stars…

  It’s been ten long years, but I’d recognize those broad shoulders and that easy gait anywhere.

  Ford Armstrong.

  Against all odds, walking back into my life.

  That’s how I know I have Dengue Fever. Not a doubt in my poor, exhausted mind. I’m obviously hallucinating—and what a gorgeous hallucination it is, too.

  But then a wave of rationality hits me.

  It can’t be Dengue—because if it were, I would have been lying in bed with a high fever and a rash and hemorrhaging manifestations long before the psychosis presented.

  Which leaves only one possibility…

  God.

  It’s really him.

  My feet do the moving for me as I draw closer to him. I’m grateful for that much—because if my brain was in charge right now, I’d be frozen in place out of shock.

  With every step, my heart beats a little harder.

  He’s gorgeous.

  Scruffy and bearded, dark blonde and blue-eyed…

  Handsome as ever.

  Ford Armstrong’s good looks always did give him a direct line to my heart.

  “Addie,” he croaks, hitting me with a tired, roguish smile.

  His voice sounds so dry that now, instead of pounding, I can feel my heart break.

  I almost regret handing over my canteen now…because if I had it here, I would have his head in my lap, smoothing his brow and dribbling water between his parched lips.

  It’s not until he draws closer still that finally I start to see all the cracks in my Adonis. Ford Armstrong was never as spiffed and shined as the other boys at St. Anthony’s, but despite his good looks…even I can admit that he looks like hell.

  “Ford,” I breathe, raising a hand to his chest. My fingertips brush against his dirt-covered, sweaty t-shirt, touching him just barely at his sternum.

  When I make contact, it sends shivers up and down my spine like I’m touching an electric current.

  “What happened to you?”

  And Ford Armstrong—being Ford Armstrong—only shrugs and laughs.

  “Not anything you need to worry about,” he says, looking down at my fingertips at his chest before meeting my eyes. “I’m here now. That’s what matters.”

  I eye the scrapes and bruises on his bulging biceps suspiciously, his being so blasé right now only making my suspicion grow.

  “That brings me to my next question, actually.” I drop my hand from his chest, fighting back a blush. I cross my arms over my chest instead. “What are you doing here, Ford?”

  He laughs again, like I have to be joking…then looks suddenly taken aback.

&nb
sp; “Sten didn’t tell you,” he says in a deadpan.

  I take a step back. “What didn’t he tell me?”

  “Christ,” Ford swears. “Of course he didn’t. I mean, I knew you wouldn’t like it, but the least he could have done was let you prepare…”

  “Prepare for what?!” I say—a little louder than I should.

  I hear the shuffling of the half-dozen villagers I just startled awake with the sound of my voice and immediately feel bad—and I feel even worse when I see Ford’s eyes dart around our surroundings, looking concerned.

  “I’m here to protect you, Addie,” Ford says, his voice hushed.

  He puts his arm around me protectively—not like we’re high school sweethearts on a stroll through the moonlight, but like there’s an active shooter lurking around every corner and he’s trying to put his body between their bullets and my skin.

  “And you couldn’t have picked a more difficult place to do it, huh?” he asked.

  “I don’t need protection,” I hiss as he guides me to the shelter of the overhang of a nearby hut. “And I definitely don’t need you.”

  “Then why are you trembling?” he asks.

  I look down at my hand, the way it’s shaking.

  Yeah, it’s probably for the best if he attributes that to fear right now. That way, he doesn’t realize the real reason.

  I’m trembling because of him.

  I’m not scared of Ford. Sure, he disappeared seemingly off the face of the earth after our one night together…but when you’re around someone as big as him and as brave as him and as self-sacrificing as him, it’s hard to be scared.

  No, I’m not afraid of Ford in the least.

  I’m afraid of myself.

  Because if my hands are shaking now, just from being this close to him…

  What happens when he makes me smile for the first time in ten years? Makes me laugh? What if he walks in on me while I’m changing and—

  “Your cheeks are red,” Ford says, raising the back of his hand to my cheekbone. “Are you okay?”

  I’m not okay—and as soon as he touches me, I’m more certain than ever about that. His skin is warm, but my face is burning so hot with embarrassment that he almost feels cool…

  “I’m fine,” I spit, pulling away. “What’s not fine is you being here—and you know it, and so does Sten. Whatever he’s paying you to be here, I’ll double it if you leave.”

  “Sorry, sweetheart.” Ford shakes his handsome head. “It doesn’t work like that.”

  “It doesn’t work like this, either!” I have to stop myself from raising my voice again. “This is my life, Ford. You don’t just get to come waltzing into it and—”

  I lose track of my argument as I see an expression cross Ford’s face. It’s a little bit dark, a little bit foreboding, and in ten years, I haven’t forgotten what it means when he sets his jaw in that way.

  I might have picked this fight, but he’s about to end it.

  “Let’s get one thing straight, princess,” he says, looming over me. Suddenly, I feel incredibly delicate—and impossibly small. “You’re a wealthy heiress playing doctor in one of the most dangerous hot zones on the planet right now. You think some warlord is going to care that you’re a doctor when he sweeps through this villages and starts taking hostages, trying to get himself on CNN?”

  I open my mouth to argue back, but Ford is on a roll—and it’s no use.

  “They’re not going to care that you’ve got a medical degree,” Ford warns me, his voice low. “You’ll be lucky if they even realize you’ve got money attached to your name. No—there are dangerous men in this neck of the woods, Addie. Men who will take one look at a pretty little blonde like you with those blue eyes and those luscious lips, prancing around in these tiny fucking shorts, looking like you do…”

  He plucks at the hem of my khaki shorts, his fingertips brushing against my thigh.

  I draw a quick breath in as he touches me.

  It’s like my whole body is on fire at that touch.

  “Where’s your kit?” he asks me.

  It takes me a second to realize he means my medical bag.

  I don’t even argue. I’m too dazed for that.

  I just point, and he fetches it.

  Ford was always light on his feet. The difference now is that he seems to be made predominantly of muscle. Muscle, wariness, and speed.

  “Let’s get you somewhere safe for the night,” he tells me. “You want to argue more…you’ll have to do it in the morning.”

  Chapter 4

  Ford

  Fuck. The image of my Adelaide naked in my arms won’t go away.

  The way her slender arms wrap around my neck and those delicious red lips of hers kiss my face and neck. Not to mention the way—Stop it! I nearly scream at myself.

  Yes, I know she’s not mine, but I can’t help think of her in those terms. The second I laid eyes on her, my insides started to go up in flames.

  Too many memories flooded my mind for me to make sense of them.

  And then she unleashed this massive verbal attack on me. She probably didn’t realize it, but fuck, it made her look even hotter than hot.

  The way her long, beautiful blonde hair tied back into a practical ponytail shone in the low light. Not to mention the way those khaki shorts hug her behind and show of those incredibly long legs. Practical hiking boots perfectly complimenting the sexiest outfit I’ve ever seen a woman wear.

  Fuck.

  I sigh.

  What had happened to my Adelaide I left behind?

  The young, innocent-looking schoolgirl? Not that she’s not beautiful anymore—quite the contrary. She looks even more beautiful than she did in high school.

  No, now her beauty is highlighted by—what would you call it? Wisdom? Maturity?

  Or maybe she’s always been this beautiful, and I’ve just not remembered her the right way.

  Briefly, I’m transported back to the end of high school. The way I used to admire her from afar.

  At recess and lunch, I would lean against the fence near where she hung out with all her cool friends. Being as pretty and smart as she is, she’s always been in with the cool people.

  I, on the other hand, I’m from the wrong side of fucking town. Okay, so that sounds like some sort of cliché, but fuck, I’m able to face the facts.

  She’s up there in the clouds, and I’m down here in the dirt with the ants. Gods and ants just don’t mix, do they?

  When I used to stare at her from afar, my eyes were glued to the way she threw her hair over her shoulders, the way she laughed, and the way she moved.

  She was the forbidden fruit.

  I have always wanted to touch her dearly, bite a piece, and fucking devour her.

  She, on the other hand was, what can I say, she’s always been fucking perfect.

  Of course Sten had always been a friend, and at some point in time Adelaide would hang out with us too.

  With a shake of my head, I try and get my feelings back under control and quash those pesky unwanted memories.

  “If you’ll excuse me,” her voice reaches from a long way away. It seems to be having trouble getting though the thick fog of fucking memories.

  “What?” I stare at her, but I’m not quite processing what she said. She’s pulled out of my hold and grabbed her bag from me.

  “I’ve got work to do. You know, the reason I’m here? To help the sick and injured.”

  Without waiting for a response, she walks away.

  “Newsflash, “ she calls over right shoulder. “I live here, so no need to take me somewhere safer.” And just like that she’s walking away from me.

  Since she doesn’t know, and there’s no harm in looking, I stare at her retreating figure. The way her hips sway from side to side and her cute butt wiggles is fucking playing havoc with my dick.

  Her feet kick up tiny bits of dust as she moves away from me. If she’s tempted to look back, she resists it.

  The last I
see of her is when she enters a tiny mud hut. She has to duck to get in. Even there, she doesn’t so much as shoot another glance in my direction, even a loathing one.

  How much I’d give for any last look of her, loathing or otherwise.

  With a sigh, I shake my head. She’s not coming out of the building she entered.

  Actually, building is highly overstated. I mean, as I stare at it, I realize what a rundown, dilapidated structure she just walked into. With narrowed eyes, I take it in.

  From what I can tell, she’ll be lucky to come out of it alive. I mean, the damn thing might collapse any second.

  The roof seems to be half-missing. From where I’m standing, it looks as if the entire house has leaned to the left and there’s no front door. I can’t tell if it never had one, or if it blew off.

  Focus. Fucking focus, I remind myself and scan the lay of the land.

  From the building, Adelaide disappeared to some of the other makeshift houses.

  How do people live like this? And why the fuck was Adelaide here?

  Of course, I don’t need to answer the latter question. Adelaide is the most caring person I know.

  Around me, women are snickering, and I do my best to ignore them.

  “Mzuri,” one of them whispers.

  Others nod, and I shake my head. I’ve had tougher assignments than this one.

  I’m former CIA. I’m the best of the best. I’ve learned not to let distractions worm into my mind when I’m on a job.

  The words I’m on the job have their desired effect.

  I’m on a job.

  Focus. Concentrate.

  I shift into work mode. Protection.

  Working out how to protect her is not going to be as easy as I thought.

  The mud huts are not arranged in any kind of order. Hers could be anywhere. I better make finding out where she lives a priority.

  But, heck, no job is too difficult for me. If someone wants to mess with her, they’re going to have to get through my security measures and through me first.

  I mean, I was the best of the best of the CIA.

  But it wasn’t the greatest of times—secret missions, danger, loss.

  Around me, people died. I lost some good people. And no matter how many times I’ve been told it wasn’t my fault, I have to take responsibility.